Hello! My name is Elyse and I am 38 years old. I grew up in an Evangelical Christian household in Colorado. My two brothers are 12 and 9 years older than me, so being the youngest and the only girl I felt like an only child most of my life. Alcohol was the focal point of family gatherings and I had my first drink around age 6. That same year a neighborhood boy began molesting me. I had no idea the negative impact this was having on me, and so I decided to never acknowledge it and kept it concealed.
When I was 13, I got drunk for the first time. I will never forget that feeling when the alcohol hit me, the euphoria was indescribable. I was instantly hooked, and little did I know I would spend the next 24 years of my life chasing that first high. My dream from the age of 5 was to become a prima ballerina. During my teenage years I took ballet lessons six days a week and spent most of my summers in ballet intensive programs. At age 14 my dance career came to an abrupt halt when I fell and severely injured my ankle. I needed surgery and the doctors said I would never be able to dance professionally. My world was shattered; I had no idea how to be a normal teenager. Who was I without ballet?
So, I began filling the void with cigarettes and marijuana, popping pills and sneaking alcohol every chance I could. I lost my virginity at 15 when I was raped. I was so disgusted and disappointed with myself and who I had become. By the time I reached my 20’s, alcohol became my number one priority. I did not care who I hurt as long as I could get my hands on the next bottle. I jumped into the arms of any man that would show me attention, yet I cheated on most of them, turned my back on my family, and was slipping further from God. Over the course of time, I got 3 DUI’s, spent time in jail, lost my driving privileges, and spent close to $35,000 in lawyers, classes, court, probation and fees.
In 2012 I entered my first treatment program, which was only 2 weeks long. I ended up drinking the day that I was released. The alcohol temporarily numbed all the guilt and shame from the choices I was making, which is why the vicious cycle continued. After an abusive relationship ended in heartbreak, my drinking got so bad that I tried treatment again. I stayed sober for 113 days but inevitably relapsed. Each relapse was worse than the one before. After my final DUI, I met a man in jail who I quickly moved in with. My parents had moved to Wisconsin to retire, and I thought that he and I would live happily ever after. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case as he was in and out of jail and couldn’t hold a job. I couldn’t afford rent or utilities, maxed out all my credit cards, and to make matters worse I was drinking a handle (1.75L) of vodka a day. A very severe case of pancreatitis landed me in the ICU for two weeks. I had critical inflammation and swelling of my brain, stomach, and liver, and my organs began to fail.
The doctor told my parents to prepare to say their goodbyes.
God intervened and spared my life; there is no other explanation. It was far from easy, and the road ahead was grueling. Before I was released from the hospital, I had to learn how to eat, speak, and walk again. In 2023, my parents moved me to Rice Lake, WI to be with them. This was definitely God’s provision because I cannot even imagine where I would be today if I had stayed in Colorado. Shortly after I had moved, my best friend passed away from alcoholism. I turned to the very thing that killed her because I didn’t know how else to cope with the pain of loss.
One night, drinking alone in my bedroom, I heard a clear voice that peacefully said, “It is time, and you need help right now.” I did not know this at the time, but now I know this was the voice of the Holy Spirit leading me to ATCWW. When I arrived, I remembered my favorite verse from Psalm 34:18: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” I was definitely brokenhearted, and my spirit was crushed, but I knew this was my place of restoration where I could become whole again.
I’ve been here 6 months now and surrender has not been an easy process, but God has met me every step of the way. ATCWW has provided me the opportunity to look back and figure out what led me down the path I took. I’ve been able to confront all the pain from my choices, along with the people that hurt me, and I am learning to forgive. As a result, I am healing. My heart was emotionally wrecked and spiritually dead, but He has given me a new heart that is occupied by my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I now know my true value in Him and that gives me a lot of hope for my future!